What Is The Biggest Guilt parents have?
- magicparent
- Jan 28, 2016
- 3 min read
The answer is not being home with their children - having to work and to provide. But our kids don't understand our obligations. They don't care about bills, or our promotions. They don't know we are trying to make more money so they can have what they need - not just their food, shelter and toys. We have to think ahead for their life, for their education and better future. And that's how parents and kids get this disbalance between each other.
So, how do we explain and make our kids understand our world so we can better understand theirs? Kids live in completely different world than us. Their problems, their worries are not the same as ours. Every time a parent leaves the house to go to work, they feel guilty not spending enough time with their children, they feel guilty for missing out important moments of their kids life. So, what do we do? We live at times when in many households both parents have to work to provide.
Here is the secret and the magic for parents to balance their absence and not damage their kids. Check out this situations and decide for yourself what is best behavior for you to perform.
Situation # 1
The parent acts like he/she can't wait to get out of the house and go to work or somewhere else. How does the child feel? They ask themselves: “My mom or dad doesn’t want to be around me, they look happy to get out of here. They were in a bad mood all morning, but now when they have to go, they are smiling. They don't love me, I am not worthy…”
Situation # 2
The parent comes home from work, and as soon as they enter the door they start complaining about their bad day or what went wrong. They bring negative energy in the house and the kids pick up on it. The mom or dad just got home and doesn’t hug or kiss the kids. From the child’s perspective, they don't even look like they are home, as they continue to check their phone and computer for the rest of the night and complain about how much more work they have to do that night.
What message are they sending with this behavior? The kids don’t feel important, they feel neglected. I read once how mental abuse is more damaging than physical abuse. Children don't feel loved or important if you come home and have this behavior. Your kids ware watching the clock, knowing what time you are coming home and expecting you with excitement, and then you disappoint them very quickly with your unacceptable behavior.
Situation # 3
The parent comes home from work, entering the door, with big excitement and announcing mommy or daddy is home. They throw their bags on the floor, laughing and talking to their kids with fun and playful voice.
In this way the parents are showing their kids that there is no better and happy place then home, being with them. The children can feel your energy and every time you come home is a celebration. There is no guilt or negativity. By doing this you can never hurt your kids, because you can't overdo it by giving them too much love.
Using this approach, your children then start to understand that you have to go to work but this doesn't really matter because once you are home, you are all theirs. You shut off your phone, computer, you dedicate your time fully to your kids. That shows that you prefer and treasure your time with your kids. That's how you achieve the balance between your work and your kids.
That's how you raise happy, confident and successful children.
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